困扰的心

托 J 的福，今天又聊到一点都不想聊也不想想起的人。
（其实对于我这种心态，我自己也挺纳闷的。我以为我的心情已经平复了，可是为何仍如此的不潇洒。）
开始聊时也还好，可一涉及他的新动态……奇怪，为什么我会流泪呢？
（明明已经事过境迁了，不是吗？）
J 问我为何有如此大的反应，我只说了一句：“我不喜欢被比较。”
（我或许知道为什么，只是不想说出来，因为一旦说了，就间接承认了自己的脆弱、不如人和小家子气。我还是有点好胜心的。）

后来哭了没几下子，自己也觉得有点儿不好意思，就大笑了几声不让尴尬停留。
显然我的这种行为让 J 费解，我居然冒出一句现在想来都有点荒唐但也有点真实的话：
“我只有两个表情，一个是哭，一个是笑。如果我不想让别人知道我哭，就只能笑。”

头有点痛，不知道是因为昨晚睡眠不足还是因为流了不该流的泪。

Last Dance session

Alone on the way back home from the last dance class in preparation for my final year.

One year plus in SNB, I have come to realize how much I enjoyed dancing. The swirl of those colorful dance skirts, the thumping beats of crazy Latin music introduced a whole new world to me and I fell madly in love with it.

The liberalization of my body, mind and soul when I'm dancing is something that I wouldn't have known had I not strapped on those heels. I wouldn't have thought I would be capable of those sexy and gracious moves one year ago. (I am still far far from perfection though. >.<)

And more importantly, the friends that I have made over this year through dance was what made this an unforgettable experience. We have laughed at our own stupidity, flabbergasted by the stupidity of others and cried over stupid mistakes.

I have grown to love the diversity and occasional surprises that dance presents to me.

However, as the old adage goes, all good things must come to an end.
But I will be back, by hook or by crook. >:)

Things I Wish People Told Me When I Entered My 20s

Yan Ru introduced a really nice site the other day when we met for dinner: thoughtcatalog.com

It's a compilation of articles contributed by many people on topics under the sun. And I have been religiously reading them everyday. (Even during work.) :)
Many are interesting, and make us ponder about our own life, beliefs, dreams etc...

This particular article: Things I Wish People Told Me When I Entered My 20s (http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/things-i-wish-people-told-me-when-i-entered-my-twenties/) touched a certain cord in my heart.

For example, regarding certain friends in our life that tend to fade away as time goes by, we might have the following response: "Either be in my life completely or not at all because it’s too painful to have you in the in-between."

These are things that no one told me when I turned 20 and I am beginning to learn and accept them now.

Monday Blues

星期一的夜总是特别的难过，
静静等待着彻底忘记的日子。

即使忘不了，
至少把一切的一切
埋在心里最深处，
永远也别再翻出来。

领悟

到头来，我也是小器的呵！

Mama is da best :)

I can't believe I cried over boys in mama's hug. But oh wells, guess every girl will go through this at least once in life.

At the end of the day, mama is always there. :)

Personality Test

i'm bored... *yawns*
and so i did this:

R-Drive Personality Test Results Narcissism |||||||||||||||||| 72% Unconventionality |||||||||||||||| 61% Empiricism |||||||||||||||||||||| 94% Identity |||||||||||||||||||| 88% Othercentricism |||||||||| 33% Independence |||||||||||||||| 66% Integrity |||||||||||| 44% Intellect |||||||||||| 44% Stoicism |||||||||||||||||| 72% Orderliness |||||||||||||| 55% Dynamism |||| 17% Activity |||| 11% Romanticism |||| 16% Hedonism |||||||||||||||||| 72%

Take Free R-Drive Personality Test
Personality Test by SimilarMinds.com

super low score on dynamism, activity and romanticism. eh, now i feel like i'm some hermit... or an old hag... :/

Healing

spent the night deleting msg instead of doing my cheat sheet for my exam on mon. =.=

And I always believe that when I am brave enough to click on the delete button without any regrets, that would be an indication that I have managed to let go.

sometimes, all you need is a good cry...

解脱...?

四个月前：

明知道这是一场错误，却还是固执地往前冲，以为我们可以找到解决的方法，可以忍受一切。

三个月前：

我开始崩溃了，也开始怀疑这一切的可实性。但他的眼泪，我的心软，只是延长了彼此的痛苦。

现在：

我已经累了烦了，我们之间的差距，太多太多了，我已失去了跨越这鸿沟的勇气与动力了。

昨晚，我们达成了共识， 他忍住了泪，我硬起了心。

但一个人的时候，心还是会痛，泪还是会流， 只能不断的告诉自己，这样对我们彼此都好。

痛

深深地痛过，才会刻骨铭心。

也因为痛过，才知道还在乎。

哪天不再痛了，感情也就淡了。